Failing to address human appeal in arguments with people we disagree with

Human Appeal: The feeling that motivates an argument, as opposed to the logic that motivates the argument. (Not sure if human appeal is the word for that)

In our arguments, to prove a point, we use logic. That’s what happens when you want to win an argument. However, it’s rarely the case that winning an argument is what you need to do. We more often than not want to have //people// on our side, to convince them that something is worth doing or is the right thing to do; taking their worries into consideration.

Taking a simple-case example: To me, it makes perfect sense to have opposite-sex friends. To my parents, this idea does not exist in the realm of possible. This argument has been an ongoing one in our family for a few years, till I was able to connect with my parent’s human appeal:

• They were worried I might hurt myself and fall in love for a girl I believe is a friend of mine
• They were worried the opposite might happen (she falls for me)
• They were worried about what people would think of us and how that might have negative effects on me, her, and her “honor”

Despite being in complete disagreement with the motives, one ought to be able to connect with other people’s feelings and address them. Addressing can come as:

• awareness : Showing I am aware of those factors and yet I choose to do what I want.
• reassurance : Assuring the validity of the concerns, yet why they are not the size that they think they are
• action : showing positive action addressing the concerns, still not giving up on one’s beliefs.

Following strategies that allow you to connect to people’s feelings/worries, which are purely illogical, yet are as relatable as any human feeling, helps bridge gaps in conversations, even if not reaching a solution.

NB: This is not to say, by any means, that anyone’s parents are right in enforcing their concerns. This words speak in terms of practical rather than what’s right.

NB: Our parents (and we, too) often fail to recognize our own human appeals. We usually assume logic is all that matters, and that they do not care about our well-being enough, that whole conversations have our human appeals unmentioned. When was the last time you used “because it would be better for my mental health to do so” in an argument ?